don't shoot the pianist
he is doing the best he can

New skates should be sharpened before being used.

I decided to take my new blades to a public skate at Kingsgate Ice Arena out in Kirkland yesterday afternoon, and figured I’d get there a half hour early so I could get my skates sharpened beforehand. As luck would have it, the arena shop was closed until a half hour before the session ended. The rental office didn’t have hockey skates in my size, so I figured I’d skate around until the shop opened up.

That was probably a bad idea. As much as I enjoy the challenge of attempting to skate on blades that probably couldn’t slice open a block of tofu, it’s a lot more fun when they’re sharp. As it was, I had a very dull inside edge, and—outside edge? What’s an outside edge?

It could have been a lot worse—surprisingly, I managed not to fall once despite having the traction of your average Seattle driver in a snowstorm—but I have to say, skating with a dull edge is a bit like an engine problem limiting a Ferrari to 30kph. Quite frankly, it makes one look like a beginner. I think there were five-year-olds skating circles around me.

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I have to say, this is an interesting take on the floor piano idea.

I only wish it was capable of something more than the F-sharp major scale. (Actually, those of you with perfect pitch will notice that the fellow who starts walking up the stairs at 0:41 is accompanied by the right notes. I wonder why everybody else gets F-sharp major?)

The other thing the staircase needs, of course, is a bit of order to prevent it from descending (ha ha, get it?) into a giant cacophony. To that end, I’d like to propose the following rule: “You must maintain a distance of exactly two, five, or seven steps behind the person in front of you. If you follow exactly four steps behind, you will be asked to navigate the Prok 2 finale.”

Why is it that I never see news items begin like this?

FARMVILLE, Va. – A criminal justice professor and her daughter, whom police say were slain by a local symphony orchestra conductor, were in counselling over the teenager’s obsession with the aesthetic music, and the mother took her daughter to the concerts to keep an eye on her, a family friend said Wednesday.

Related: Slain mom, teen had counselling over music

Why is it that I never see news items begin like this?

URBANA, Ohio – A defendant had a hard time facing the music.

Andrew Vactor was facing a $150 fine for playing classical music too loudly on his car stereo in July. But a judge offered to reduce that to $35 if Vactor spent 20 hours listening to hip-hop music by the likes of Kanye West and Jay-Z.

Vactor, 24, lasted only about 15 minutes, a probation officer said.

Related: Judge sentences rap fan to Bach, Beethoven